exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
