wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
