I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
