he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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