i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
