I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
