sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
