i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
