there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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