ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
