Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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