The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
