i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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