Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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