my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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