vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
