I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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