Old men and throwing up are my life now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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