She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
