Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
