he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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