remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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