we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Boobs are out for the taking
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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