I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
