I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
