i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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