If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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