I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
