Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
