i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
