Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
