There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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