dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
