dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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