The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
