did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
