So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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