Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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