My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
