it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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