I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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