If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
