Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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