Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
