I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
