what day is it and did you see me today?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
