I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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