Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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