in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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