spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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