Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
