In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
